Christine Mclean

Christine Mclean, Coaching and NLP Practitioner and Director of CMc Consulting explains how neuro linguistic programming (NLP) is the key to help you communicate more effectively with your clients, by developing and practicing flexibility in your communication patterns to facilitate their understanding of your instructions.

Introduction

Imagine being able to communicate more effectively with your clients. Knowing you were on the ‘same wave length’ and that your messages were getting across to them in the way you had hoped they would. Neuro linguistic programming (NLP) could be the key to helping you to do that.

NLP was developed in the 1970’s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, a linguist and a psychotherapist. They produced a method of using words, phrases and thought processes to tap into an individual’s inner ‘sense making’ programmes. Understanding and using this knowledge, on how individual minds ‘work’, can support effective communication with more people, more of the time.

NLP is also used in therapy however the focus of this article will be on communication

NLP: The component parts

Neuro: the way the brain processes experiences using the five senses.
Linguistic: the language we use and how our experiences are coded and made sense of.
Programming: how we can model good communication and use it to our advantage in having better communications with more people.

What does this actually mean in practice?

For example, have you ever given instructions to a client, been very clear and precise about what they needed to do etc, only to find they have completely done the opposite or got the ‘wrong end of the stick’?

In terms of communication methods people tend to communicate with others in the way which they like to be communicated to, it’s natural. However, not everyone takes in information in the same way. We don’t all make sense of the world in the exact same way as each other. What one person may pay exacting attention to, another may completely overlook.

It is estimated that our brains take in millions of bits of information per second. If we retained all of this data, we would probably be too overloaded to function! We therefore have to delete, distort and generalise information to make it more manageable. It is this coping mechanism of the mind that can get in the way of effective communication. If we have a method of understanding how an individual might be making sense of the world around them, it will help us to use communication methods that are more attuned to theirs.

Representational systems

Our various thinking and sense making mechanisms are based on our use of the five senses. They take in the information which our brains process to make meaning. NLP theory says that although we all use all of our senses all the time, we have one sense that we rely on more than the others. In NLP terms this is called the representational system.

There are three main systems; visual, auditory and kinaesthetic (doing, movement and physical sensation). Auditory digital (Ad) is a slightly lesser used system which is a variable mix of the previous three. The key thing about people who use a lead Ad system is that they rely on sense and logical analysis to understand the world around them. (The senses of taste and smell are rarely used as lead systems and will not, therefore be examined in the article).

For example in a meeting, a person whose lead system is visual may notice colours, shapes and the details of their surroundings; they will also pay attention to movement in the room.
A person who primarily uses auditory clues to make sense of the world, may pay particular attention to sounds and be distracted by, for example, the constant clicking of a pen that no one else in the meeting may hear.
A person who uses kinaesthetic as a lead system would be more attuned to the ‘feel’ of the meeting and pay attention to how the mood of the meeting stimulated a feeling within them and others.

Language clues

So how can we know how people are making sense of their world? One of the ways is language. NLP theory says that the words and phrases people use in everyday conversation can give important clues to their lead representational systems. As previously mentioned we all use all our senses all the time so the language clues may be subtle, nevertheless they are there.

Auditory people

The language clues auditory people use will mainly be related to hearing and noise. For example; “I hear what you are saying”, “that doesn’t sound right”, “that rings a bell with me”.

At the beginning of the article I postulated that we communicate in the way in which we like to be communicated with, using the words and phrases that make sense to us. In NLP the flexibility in the use of language is the key to better communications. Although we may not naturally use certain words in our explanations, if we can match some of the clients’ words/phrases when in discussion, we will make more sense to them.

For example:
Client “that doesn’t ring true at all”
Practitioner “what would sound right for you?”
or
Client “That’s as clear as a bell”
Practitioner “I am glad we are singing from the same hymn sheet”

A room free from noise distractions will help auditory people focus. They will also really pick up on the tone and tempo of your voice, so to just be aware of how you are using your voice would help in getting messages across more clearly. Repeating instructions and asking the client to repeat back is also a good learning mechanism.

Visual people

The language clues a person with a visual lead representational system may use are words and phrases that relate to sight, seeing and perhaps clarity of focus. They may say things like; “That is a bit foggy to me”, “I can see that clearly now,” “in my mind’s eye I can see it’s”.
Again the amount of flexibility you can use in your communication is key.

For example:
Client “those instructions were really unclear”
Practitioner “how can I show you in a better way to understand them?”
or
Client “I just can’t see a way to change my diet”
Practitioner “What can I do to shed light on the way?”

Again the phrases and words you use with a client may not be your natural style. However, through using similar words, you will make more sense to them and a better understanding will develop between you.

Visual people really enjoy visual aids and pictures to emphasise a point; draw a diagram whilst explaining to support embedding a concept or idea. Visual people do not really learn well from long verbal instructions so try to keep these to a minimum. Where possible give them written support materials.

Kinaesthetic people

The language clues a kinaesthetic person may use will not only relate to feelings words and phrases but also to physical sensation, movement or doing.
They may say things like; “That doesn’t feel right”, “a rough ride”, “I can’t get a grip on this”.

For example:
Client “I feel this plan is too woolly”
Practitioner “OK let’s firm it up for you. What would a good concrete plan have to have in place for you?”
or
Client “I am finding the diet hard to stick to”
Practitioner “How does that feel for you right now?”

Kinaesthetic people learn well by ‘walking through’ instructions as if they were experiencing the situation. So, for example, if you were talking about shopping for healthy foods you may actually ask the client about the aisles they go through, where they are in relation to the door or checkout counter etc. Kinaesthetic people also like models that they can handle and touch.

Auditory digital people

People with an Ad lead representational system will use phrases and words from all the above systems. The main thing to listen out for is sense making language such as; “This makes perfect sense to me”, “the logical way to approach this would be.”, “my thinking on this has changed”.
People with an Ad preference like lists and sequences and their language will reflect this.

For example:
Client “I am confused as to which comes first”
Practitioner “let’s try to make sense of this together”
or
Client “I think I would like to try this out”
Practitioner “That’s excellent! That a great first step”

Facts and figures would also interest and assist Ad people in understanding, as well as breaking down instructions into sequenced chunks.

Conclusion

Neuro linguistic programming is not about altering you or fundamentally changing your communication style forever. It is about developing and practicing flexibility in your communication patterns, perhaps using phrases and words that are not normally in your range of vocabulary. It is also about acutely listening and paying attention to your conversation partner or client, really attempting to communicate with them from where they are, not from where you are.

Further reading

“The Structure of Magic – a book about language and therapy” Bandler and Grinder ISBN 08314-0044-7

“The Magic of NLP Demystified” Lewis and Pucelik ISBN 1-55552-017-0. I
Further information from christine@cmcconsulting.org